I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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