Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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