conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
