It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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