ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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