I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
