she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
