i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize