And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
