Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
