4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
