The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
