They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
