there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just pynch a tree in the face
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize