I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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