We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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