I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Pappa wants mamma naked
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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