You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
