Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
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I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
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you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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