I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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