i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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