PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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