So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
