I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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