Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
