They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
