im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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