her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
