you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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