Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
