yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
