I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
