TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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