Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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