We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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