They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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