I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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