Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
