I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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