So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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