it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
