Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
