Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
