Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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