i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
