I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
