I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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