When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
