i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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