I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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