I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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