Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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