im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
