yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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