I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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