No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
