By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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