Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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