Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
