also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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