Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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