The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
