we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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