We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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