I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
