The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
