I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
