He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
