im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
