She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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