nut hugger
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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