I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Text me some of your sweat
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